


Wildflower

by casastella



Series: Eternal Gardens [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 10k words of Sachirou being a confused bean, AU where falling in love with someone makes flowers bloom on your skin, Angst, Coming of Age, Falling In Love, First Love, Flowers, Fluff, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Happy Ending, He gets there in the end, M/M, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:40:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29133444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casastella/pseuds/casastella
Summary: “What is wrong with you?” Kourai finally has to ask on the way home when Sachirou still has a bounce in his steps.He grins. “I got asked out today.”It takes everything for Kourai to not flinch. “So? You get asked out every other day.”Especially in their third year when everyone is trying out their luck for a final chance to date one of the most attractive boys in school.“I said yes.”~At the age of ten, Sachirou saw the first flowers of love bloom on his brother's hand. Seven years later, almost everyone around him has fallen in love at least once, donning flowers on their skin to show for it. Though Sachirou remains blissfully unmarked, he finds solace in knowing that Kourai hasn't fallen in love either.Until the day camellias bloom on Kourai's hip.
Relationships: Hirugami Sachirou/Hoshiumi Kourai
Series: Eternal Gardens [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1839163
Comments: 26
Kudos: 117





	Wildflower

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone. I just want to warn you guys that this fic contains themes of Hanahaki disease, like the first fic in this series, but nothing serious happens. However there is mention of breathing difficulty so please do proceed with caution. I didn't tag it because it's not the main theme of this fic but if you think it's necessary please let me know.
> 
> Edit: I originally tagged this as light angst but it has come to my attention that the angst is in fact...not light. So I have now fixed that. ^.^

Sachirou saw the first flowers bloom when he was ten years old. A red peony bloomed across the back of Fukurou’s hand and the whole family crowded around him, prodded him with questions in excitement and speculated things about the flower. Sachirou didn’t care for what the adults were interested in. He simply watched the flower very slowly blossom wider and wider with each passing minute.

He knew what the flowers meant; that Fukurou has fallen in love with someone, and that the flower is a representation of that person. He’s seen flowers on almost all the adults he knew, including his own parents, but this is the first time he’s seen one grow right in front of him – on his big brother, no less.

Shoukou was teasing Fukurou, something about painting his nails red to match and Fukurou fumed, wailing to leave him alone.

For the first time, Sachirou spoke. “Does it hurt?”

Fukurou’s surprised gaze found him. “Nah. You don’t feel anything. It’s just like a painting on your skin that never goes away.”

Sachirou made a face. “Well, that’s gross. I’m gonna go play now. You’ve had enough attention for today.”

Everyone laughed and his dad’s words followed him out into the backyard.

“You’ll get there too one day, Sachirou.”

That night, if he tried drawing a flower on his upper thigh, where it would be hidden beneath his shorts, then no one had to know.

~

As Sachirou grows up, more people around him start to get flowers. His middle school volleyball club captain with roses on his back. His sister with gardenias on her thigh and a beaming smile on her face. Nozawa with geraniums. Suwa with hyacinths. The friend from his class with lilies. The girl from physics with tulips. Magnolias, violets, pansies, buttercups and bluebells. Everyone around Sachirou starts to fall in love.

He sees them in the changerooms when they mess around half-naked, most of them proud to show off their flowers, some of them shy. Some already have two clusters of flowers, one of them faded to gray. That’s another thing Sachirou learns; when you fall out of love, the flowers turn gray in colour. When the one you love dies, the flowers wilt and die along with them. Sachirou doesn’t worry about that so much. After all, he doesn’t even know what love is yet, apparently.

He’s come to terms with the fact that a part of him wants to know what it feels like, to love and to have the flowers to show for it. But he’s young and he has _everything_ left to experience. It’s also comforting to know that Kourai also does not have flowers.

Kourai would scoff at people who strutted around making a big deal out of their flowers or those who desperately tried to hide them. “I don’t get it,” he once said. “It’s just _life._ Why would you treat it as something so special?”

“But it is special,” Sachirou replied. “Love is special.”

Kourai just stared at him for a moment before he said, “Well, yeah. But don’t rub it in people’s faces. That’s just insensitive.”

Sachirou got the impression that Kourai was not talking about himself. He’s also pretty sure that Kourai loves volleyball so much that it doesn’t occur to him that he can love other things too.

Until the middle of third year, that is.

Sachirou sees it in the clubroom along with everyone else when Hakuba points it out loudly. There, peeking out from the waistband of Kourai’s shorts is a pink camellia. This draws the attention of all the boys in various states of undress and immediately, Kourai gets hounded by the team.

“Wow,” Tokura breathes. “That’s a damned pretty flower.”

“Who is it?” Hakuba demands.

Kourai glares and snaps, “Why the hell would I tell you that?”

“Come on, Hoshiumi-senpai,” Bessho teases. “You can tell us. We ain’t telling anyone.”

“Yeah, because I’m not telling you busybodies either! Get changed.” Kourai then turns to Sachirou. “You want to do something about this, captain?”

Sachirou has been frozen on the spot, staring at that flower just above the jut of Kourai’s hipbone as some things suddenly start to make sense.

He and Kourai spend their weekends studying at Sachirou’s place. It’s an agreement they worked out before the start of the year so that Kourai’s grades won’t fall because he’s too focused on volleyball. Kourai has the attention span about the length of a heartbeat and Sachirou usually spends most of their weekends leading his focus back onto the books in front of them and promising to go for a run with Kotaro later. At night, they’d watch a volleyball match or put on a movie that will quickly be forgotten as they talk about other things.

But last Saturday evening, Kourai showered after they arrived home from the run and then high-tailed out of there on his bike, pale as a ghost. He said he remembered something he promised to his mum and Sachirou believed it. But it must’ve been this. He must’ve seen the beginning of a bud or a flower and panicked.

Sachirou swallows hard, drawing his eyes up to Kourai’s and putting on an easy smile. “You can’t blame them for being curious, Kourai-kun. We all thought you only love volleyball.”

“Hey!”

“All right, team,” Sachirou says before Kourai gets the chance to rant. He straightens up his practice shirt and strides to the door. “I expect everyone in the gym in the next five minutes.”

His whole body feels cold when he leaves the room.

Sachirou and Kourai are in different classes and at lunch, there are always other people around. Kourai’s flowers become a topic of conversation for a short while but Kourai refuses to talk about it. He won’t even give a hint and Sachirou finds that he wants to know a lot more than he thought.

_Who? How? When? How could I have missed my best friend falling in love?_

He doesn’t get Kourai to himself until after evening practice when they’re walking home.

Sachirou is hiding his hands in the pockets of his pants. He plays with the peeling edges of the tape around his fingers that he’s forgotten to take off. “Will you tell me who it is?” he tries.

Kourai blanches. “What, you too?”

Sachirou glances down. “You’re my best friend, Kourai-kun. Of course I want to know. And if anyone deserves to know, would it not be me?”

Kourai’s face takes on the deepest flush he’s ever seen as he folds his arms across his chest. “Nobody gets to know,” he says stubbornly. “It’s just a high school crush anyway.”

“Crushes don’t become flowers,” Sachirou points out but they both already know.

Sachirou has had crushes on a couple of classmates but neither turned into anything more before he got over them and his skin remains as plain as the day he was born.

“That’s not the point. You don’t get to know.”

“Oh my god. Don’t tell me it’s one of my siblings. Especially Fukurou-nii, please.”

“What!” Kourai splutters, flinging his arms so widely it almost smacks the head of a man who passes by. “Why would it be your siblings, you weirdo? They’re like _my_ siblings at this point. Plus, they’re so old.”

Thank goodness Shoukou isn’t around to hear that.

They reach an intersection and wait for the crossing light to turn green. Sachirou is itching to know. He wrecks his brain for anyone it could possibly be, tries to remember if Kourai has talked about anyone recently, where his gaze has lingered. He draws up blanks on all accounts except-

“Gao. Is it Gao?”

Kourai makes a disgusted face. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”

“Well, attraction is a thing, Kourai-kun. You may be opposed to him on general principle but sometimes your heart just doesn’t agree with everything your brain tells it.”

The disgusted face deepens even more. “I’m also going to pretend you didn’t say that either.” Then his expression softens into something more like annoyance than disgust. “Look, I’ll tell you when I’m ready. Just- This is new to me, okay? I don’t… I don’t know how to handle this yet.”

The earnestness in Kourai’s words and his face suppresses Sachirou’s irrational need to know. Hoshiumi Kourai has always been small, has always looked up at the world around him and saw it as something to conquer. He’s never seemed so vulnerable as he does now. Sachirou nods.

The lights turn green and they cross the road with the rest of the evening crowd. They walk three more blocks in silence before the streets become less busy and the hum of traffic quietens.

Sachirou whispers, “What does it feel like, being in love?”

Kourai frowns at the pavement as he thinks for a moment. Then he answers, “It feels like facing six blockers.”

Sachirou laughs light-heartedly. “That’s impossible.”

“You know what I mean.”

He’s not sure he does.

~

Kourai watches one flower become two flowers and then three and five. It takes longer than he thought. After three weeks, he ends up with eight camellias that crawl from his hipbone up to his ribs and curve around to his back like some sort of atrocious, pink heat pad. The pink isn’t a problem. He likes this shade that’s more on the pale side with slightly darker edges around the petals. The flowers themselves are not a problem either.

The problem is Hirugami Sachirou.

His captain. High school best blocker. Smartest person he knows. His best friend.

If Kourai were to say that he didn’t see this coming, that would be a big fat lie. For the better part of second year, Kourai has known that he feels more for Sachirou than he feels for his other friends and it’s only become more intense. Their walks to and from school start become the highlight of his day, right up there with practice. With Sachirou around, Kourai tries harder in things he’s not good at, like maths. His heart races the way it does when he steps onto the court.

If he’s asked to pinpoint what made him fall in love with Sachirou he won’t be able to answer. It could be any number of things from his handsome face and charming smile, to his caring heart and easy-going attitude or the fact that he’s so good at everything. In any case, Kourai definitely underestimated how much of a problem it’d be.

Before, he could never understand why people tried to hide their flowers but now he seriously considers buying himself a dri-fit so when his shirt rides up, his flowers wouldn’t show.

“I was sure you wouldn’t think it’s such a big deal,” Sachirou says, half teasing.

Kourai glares up from where he’s hunched over his mum’s laptop, browsing a website full of dri-fit shirts for something his size. “It’s not. I just don’t like it when people stare. It’s distracting when I’m trying to play.”

Sachirou lifts his head from where he’s spread out on the floor with a book above his head. “Something distracts Hoshiumi Kourai from a volleyball match. That’s new.”

Kourai kicks his leg. _It’s you, dumbass. You’re distracting me._

Because no one stares more than Sachirou. It makes Kourai think that he knows, and Kourai is not ready for him to know. Not yet, not when Sachirou doesn’t have any flowers on him.

“Have you thought about telling him?” Sachirou asks. “Or have you told him?”

“Of course not. I’m not stupid.”

Sachirou puts his book down and curls up on his side so he can peer up into Kourai’s soul with those pretty eyes the colour of his favourite chocolate. “Why would it be stupid? I would tell him.”

If it was anyone else, Kourai would too. He’d get it out of the way so he can be rejected, mope for a day or two and then get back on with his life with no consequences. With Sachirou, things are more complicated than Kourai likes it to be.

“All I’m saying,” Sachirou says when the silence becomes longer, “is that I think it’s nice to have someone you want to spend your life with.”

He goes back to his book and Kourai keeps scrolling on the laptop. He doesn’t notice the way Sachirou’s eyes linger on the same page for a while, not seeing the words in front of him.

The package gets delivered and Kourai’s mum gets there first because it’s bought with her account name. When Kourai gets home, the shirt is spread out on his bed incriminatingly. He hasn’t even had a chance to think, _ah shit_ , before his mum is behind him.

“I didn’t know you wanted one of those, Kourai. I thought you found them itchy.”

“Oh, yeah. Um. I sweat a lot so I thought I should try these again.” He touches the smooth fabric gingerly. It’s good quality for something so cheap.

His mum sees through the lie and she smiles tightly. “Sweetheart, are you trying to hide your flowers?”

Kourai gives up his pretence with the drop of his shoulders. “I just want Sachirou to stop staring all the time.”

“If you let him know, maybe he’ll stop.”

“Yeah and he’ll stop talking to me too.”

His mum chuckles. “Your friendship isn’t so weak that a confession will drive you two apart. Besides, I think you’ll be surprised by the outcome.” She ruffles his hair. “Think about it, yeah?”

Kourai thinks about it more than his mum probably intended for him to. In the shower, in bed, at the dinner table, in maths class, on weekends when he studies with Sachirou, Kotaro in his lap. Every scenario he plays in his head ends with Sachirou politely telling him that he’s flattered, joke about himself being irresistible and then he’d let him down gently. Kourai can live with that, he thinks. It’ll be awkward for a while but they’ll be back to normal again.

Two weeks after the flowers finish blooming, Kourai decides he’ll do it. He’ll say it on the way back home so that they can part ways, think about it overnight and come to the conclusion that the next day, they’ll both act as if it never happened. Practice can continue as per usual. 

Throughout evening practice, Sachirou is in a weirdly happy mood. He doesn’t tell the first years off when they’re goofing around on the side. His blocks are more energetic and Kourai almost falls out of the air when his grin pops up from the other side of the net and manages to stuff him good. He all but skips out of the gym and _hums_ as he changes. Sachirou is not normal by any means and years of friendship has drilled this into Kourai’s head. But at this point, he’s just freaked out.

“What is wrong with you?” Kourai finally has to ask on the way home when Sachirou still has a bounce in his steps. 

He grins. “I got asked out today.”

It takes everything for Kourai to not flinch. “So? You get asked out every other day.”

Especially in their third year when everyone is trying out their luck for a final chance to date one of the most attractive boys in school.

“I said yes.”

This makes Kourai stop dead in his tracks. “What?”

“I said yes,” Sachirou repeats, still smiling. “You know Matsushima Sayuri from my class?”

The one with the beauty spot above her lip and wears her hair in two braids. She always wins the chemistry excellence award, which pisses off Sachirou who can never seem to best her. Is this what Sachirou was saying about attraction? Wait.

“Is this your twisted way of trying to beat her? Date her, make her reveal her secrets and then get first in chemistry?”

“I’m not that much of an asshole, Kourai-kun.”

“Then why? You don’t love her, do you?” His eyes flitter over Sachirou’s body to emphasise the lack of flowers. Unless it’s always been hidden by his underwear so he’s just never seen it. The thought has him both disappointed and ashamed. 

Sachirou shakes his head. “I don’t love her yet but I do like her. I think I can love her if I get to know her better.”

“Oh.” He didn’t know that Sachirou liked anyone.

“Kourai-kun, are you okay?”

He puts on a smile. “Yeah! I’m happy for you, Sachirou. Good luck.”

When Kourai gets home, he tries on the dri-fit for the first time.

~

Matsushima Sayuri is probably one of the best decisions Sachirou has ever made. Sayuri volunteers her spare time at a childcare and knows how to drive a motorbike. Not a moped but a death machine that causes, well, death. She has four brothers and punches with an iron fist but kisses like a butterfly, shy and fluttery. Sachirou learns about it over the summer break.

“It’s kind of cute,” Sachirou says to Kourai as they lie on the cool floor of Hoshiumi family living room in shorts and tank tops. The fan whirrs, blowing cool air onto them as it rotates on its axis. If Kourai just came to Sachirou’s house, they’d be bathing in the cold, arctic air of the air conditioner.

Kourai grumbles, “I don’t want to hear about your girlfriend all the time, Sachirou. I don’t care.”

“Well, if you weren’t so chicken to tell your person too then you could have a boyfriend right now.”

Kourai mumbles of something Sachirou doesn’t catch but he suspects that Kourai isn’t telling anyone anything any time soon. It’s been nearly two months and he won’t even tell Sachirou who it is and it’s difficult to not be hurt by that.

Sachirou glances at the strip of bare stomach between his shorts and his white tank. “Camellia,” he says. “Generally known for perfection and admiration. Who would be perfect in your eyes?”

“No one is perfect.”

“Oh, no. Did you fall in love with a professional player?”

Kourai glares at him wearily, face turning a bright shade of red. “Stop analysing me and save that for the opponents, Detective Hirugami.”

_You could just tell me._

“Do you boys want watermelon?” Hoshiumi-san asks from the kitchen.

“Coming!” Kourai yells and then he’s gone. 

Sayuri joins the weekend study sessions. Sachirou got the impression that Kourai isn’t a big fan of her so this is his way of trying to get his best friend and his girlfriend to become friends. He can’t help but notice Kourai is too quiet despite him saying he doesn’t mind that Sayuri joins and Sachirou feels like he’s done something wrong.

Shoukou comes into the room with an ice-pop in her hands, takes one look at the trio and frowns. She doesn’t say anything as she leaves.

Kourai is glaring at the English homework in front of him like it’s offended his entire family. He’s been doing that for the past two hours.

“Would you like some help, Hoshiumi-kun?” Sayuri asks.

“No, thanks,” Kourai says immediately. “I can do this myself.”

Sayuri glances at Sachirou and he can only shrug. Kourai usually knows when to ask for help. Maybe he feels insecure with someone else there. He doesn’t stay for a run afterwards. He says Akitomo is back for the weekend and that his mum wants them to spend time together. Kourai has always been a bad liar but Sachirou won’t make him stay where he’s clearly uncomfortable.

After, when he and Sayuri are playing fetch with Kotaro, she asks, “How long have you and Hoshiumi-kun been friends?”

“Since middle school when he helped me out of a burnout of sorts.”

“Ahh,” she says, her face clearing. “That explains why you two are so close. It’s understandable that he feels a bit awkward around me.”

That’s one way to put it.

“I hope I get to know him better though,” Sayuri says, smiling. She throws the ball to the corner of the yard and Kotaro chases after it with his tail wagging. “I’ve heard amazing things about him.”

Sachirou chuckles. “You should tell Kourai that. He would be over the moon.”

After Sayuri leaves, Sachirou sits at the kitchen table, tapping a finger on the wood. He finds himself slipping back into his terrible habits as he relays every little detail about the afternoon and how tense the entire thing was. Kourai barely talked. Sayuri was trying her best but it was futile effort. Sachirou didn’t know what to do. The usual ease he has with either Kourai or Sayuri was nowhere to be found.

Shoukou then comes into the room to get another ice-pop. The Red Rabbits’ nutritionist won’t be happy about this.

She says, “Why are you making Kourai third wheel?”

“Huh? I’m not. He agreed to this.”

She takes a huge chunk of the icy pole. “Don’t you think maybe there’s a reason he won’t tell anyone about his flowers?”

Sachirou fails to see how that’s related. “What do you mean?”

Shoukou sighs and plants her free hand on his hips. “He clearly hasn’t said anything because he can’t have what you have with your girlfriend. So having him sit there with you the entire time is cruel. He’s trying for your sake but didn’t you notice how miserable he was?”

He did notice. He’s a bad friend for doing nothing about it.

“And Sayuri,” Shoukou continues. Then she sighs. “Open your eyes, Sachirou.”

That’s all she says before she walks out.

Sachirou doesn’t understand anything but he knows he’s missing something.

~

Kourai isn’t one to give up easily, if ever. He tries again to become Sayuri’s friend and he’s determined to put his own feelings aside this time if it makes Sachirou happy. That’s one thing Kourai learns about love: you make sacrifices.

Next week, Kourai finds himself once again sitting at the Hirugami kitchen table, ready to battle a Japanese essay and himself. It doesn’t matter that Sachirou and Sayuri are having a silent conversation with their eyes, exchanging words that Kourai can’t read. It doesn’t matter that he sees Sachirou’s favourite pen in Sayuri’s hand. It doesn’t matter that Sachirou likes someone who isn’t him.

What matters is that he gets along. Kourai has never been great at making new friends. He’s too blunt, too energetic, too weird. He spent his childhood being underestimated and butting heads with his teammates and classmates, and he knows that his social skills are subpar compared to his volleyball skills. But for Sachirou, he will try to befriend the very person he can’t help but dislike.

“Do you play volleyball, Matsushima?” he asks to strike up a conversation he feels comfortable having. 

Sayuri seems surprised that he’s talking. “Oh, no,” she answers. “I’m more of a judo person but I do like to play occasionally. I’m definitely nowhere near as good as you though, Hoshiumi-kun.”

He doesn’t know how to respond to that except to glance at Sachirou for a heartbeat and then ask, “Have you seen us play?”

“Not in official games but I have caught onto the end of your practice a couple of times. It’s amazing how high you can jump and…tool the blockers?” She looks at Sachirou as if to ask if she’s used the right term.

Sachirou nods. “Kourai-kun is one of the top aces in the nation.”

“Whoa,” Sayuri says with wide eyes. “I should ask for your autograph before you become famous and forget about us.”

Kourai isn’t sure what is happening exactly because he wanted Sayuri to hate him. He wanted her to think that he’s intruding on their relationship so it’d be easier, justified, to hate her too but he can’t. Not when she’s this nice.

He shakes his head. “No, only ask me for one when I’ve earned it.”

Sayuri laughs. Girls have never been Kourai’s taste but when Sayuri laughs, he can see what Sachirou sees in her. It’s a soft ringing sound unlike Kourai’s booming guffaws and her eyes crinkle at the corners. She’s pretty. No wonder Sachirou can’t look away.

He might not love her yet but he’s falling. Kourai fears the day when the first flowers appear on Sachirou because if it hurts this much now, he doesn’t want to know what it’d feel like then.

For now, he laughs along with Sayuri and the ache is dulled for a moment when he sees the happiness that glitters in Sachirou’s eyes like he’s accomplished something amazing.

~

Sachirou follows Shoukou’s advice and tries to open his eyes. On the next date he goes on, he pays extra attention to Sayuri. The way she smiles and laughs and teases him when he fails to shoot the ball through the hoop at the arcade. She approaches everything with a bucketload of the enthusiasm that reminds him of Kourai and persistence that rivals him too.

Sachirou takes note of how small her hands are in his and how much softer they are compared to his calloused ones. He takes note of the way fondness seeps into her voice even when she complains about her brothers and how she solemnly pats his knees when he complains about his siblings too.

Things are easy with her and he likes the time they spend together. But a part of him can’t help wishing that Kourai could be there, and he’s self-aware enough to realise how fucked up that is. He’s on a date with his girlfriend and he wants his best friend there. He tells himself that he just wants all three of them to hang out together more before they part ways after this year. Sachirou hasn’t decided what he wants to do yet but he knows it won’t be professional leagues with Kourai nor would it be law school with Sayuri.

Spring high comes around quickly and Sachirou finds himself at practice more often, training harder, longer. His eyes follow the ball and he jumps until his timing is perfect. A couple of balls pass him by but it’s okay. What’s not okay is that his eyes follow Kourai incessantly. They haven’t talked properly in a while. They walk to and from school together but with Sayuri often there, their conversations range from strange things from childhood, the latest chapters of manga they’re reading or which teacher has beef with which teacher.

Recently, practice has been ending late with how close Spring High is so Sayuri goes home early, leaving Kourai and Sachirou to walk home together. Now, they go back to discussing volleyball and how excited Kourai is to go up against Hinata Shouyo and Karasuno again. (Sachirou suspects that maybe Hinata Shouyo put flowers on his friend.)

“I will beat him again!” Kourai declares.

It’s the first time Sachirou has seen him be his usual self in ages. It’s familiar and comfortable. Kourai stands taller, gestures wildly, speaks louder and bolder, and more expressively. Sachirou would comment on it, ask again if Hinata is the one but he doesn’t want to ruin Kourai’s mood. So he smiles.

“Let’s beat everyone.”

Kourai stares up at him, blinking. Sachirou sees the moment the words sink in and his green eyes become infinitely brighter. This is when he realises that Kourai hasn’t looked at him properly in a while. Sachirou has missed it. He’s missed it so much that seeing it again feels like rain in a long, simmering summer.

_When did he stop looking at me like that?_

Kourai punches his arm. “That goes without saying.”

Sachirou pulls him in by his shoulders and shouts at the sky, “We’re gonna be champions!”

People give them weird looks as Kourai hoots louder, a faint blush on his cheeks. Sachirou thinks it might be from the sudden burst of adrenaline or the rapidly-cooling autumn evening.

Two weeks before Spring High Nationals, Sayuri grins as she lifts the sleeves of her blazer to show him a blue flower in the crook of her elbow. Borage for honesty and directness.

Sachirou kisses her because he can’t make sense of this feeling in his chest.

~

Sachirou once asked what it feels like to be in love. At the time, Kourai said it felt like facing six blockers. But it also feels like slamming home the point that wins them the Spring Tournament Nationals in his last year of high school. The rush of adrenaline, the moment of disbelief before it all crashes into him, the roaring in his ears and searching for that one person among thousands.

It’s Sachirou who crashes into him, hoists him into the air as their team come screaming onto the court and all Kourai sees is Sachirou’s face below him, beaming up with a proud, triumphant grin unlike anything he reserves for others. He almost kisses him then, caught up in the moment. Gao saves him by ploughing into them and sprawling all three across the floor.

“Watch it, you big oaf!” Kourai yells but he’s laughing.

Next to him, Sachirou laughs too, his joy unfiltered. His sweat matted hair fans on the orange court and obscures his eyes, squeezed shut in laughter. When he opens them, he holds Kourai’s gaze, not letting him go even as Gao shakes him, howling both praise and gibberish. Under the weight of Sachirou’s euphoria, Kourai feels like he’s won twice.

He’ll tell him, when they get back home. He’ll take Sachirou somewhere nice and he’ll tell him what he should’ve months ago. It’s okay if Sachirou likes Sayuri. With the championship under their belt, maybe he would see something in Kourai too. 

If Kourai can win nationals, he can tell Sachirou he loves him.

~

It happens overnight. Sachirou gets back home from Tokyo in the evening. They celebrate the winning with a massive dinner with Kourai’s family and Sayuri. He goes to sleep with nothing and wake up with a single yellow flower on the right side of his sternum. He almost trips in the bathroom and he stumbles out yelling, “Nee-chan!”

His sister takes one look at the flower and frowns. “Dandelion? That’s a weed.”

Sachirou tries to play it cool to hide the fact that his heart is bouncing around his ribs as he self-consciously touches his chest. “They’re strong flowers,” he defends. “Tenacious. It fits Sayuri.”

That makes Shoukou look up from the dandelion. “Well,” she says slowly. “Congratulations, Sachirou.”

She doesn’t sound that excited about it but he doesn’t care. He puts on his clothes and makes his way to Sayuri’s house.

Kourai calls that evening. Sachirou picks it up on the first ring and when Kourai suggests hanging out at a park near their house, he agrees wholeheartedly. He forgoes his scarf when he leaves the house.

Kourai is waiting for him on the bench, knee bobbing up and down as he bites the nail of his pinkie, staring at the duck pond empty of ducks. Sachirou suddenly finds himself swallowing his nerves. He’s not sure why. Kourai has loved someone for so long and for Sachirou to come in like this feels almost wrong. It’s like two books on the shelf has swapped places but he can’t point out which ones exactly – he just knows that it feels off.

It doesn’t stop him from running up and yelling, “Kourai-kun! Guess what.”

Kourai stands when he sees him, raising an eyebrow when Sachirou skids to a stop in front of him. “What’s got _you_ so worked up?”

Instead of answering, Sachirou unzips is jacket halfway and then tugs at the collar of his shirt underneath until it reveals the yellow flower and a bud branching off.

Kourai’s face goes odd. He stares at the flower in silence, unmoving. Sachirou stands there, his chest cold, and he feels like he can’t move either. Kourai has him pinned to the spot, gaze pierced through lungs and he fears that if he breathes, this icy string going taut between them might snap. Kourai’s eyebrows slowly draw into a frown. There’s something in his eyes that resembles devastation but Sachirou can’t be reading that correctly. Right?

Kourai swallows and croaks, “Oh.” He clears his throat, pulling his eyes up. “That’s pretty. It suits Matsushima. When did you get it?”

Sachirou zips up his jacket again, taking the brief reprieve to get his thoughts together. “Last night, I think.”

Kourai’s lips press into a thin smile. “So what does it feel like, being in love?”

He pushes out a breath of laughter that fogs in the January evening air. “Kind of exciting.” He rubs the back of his head. “I got worried when Sayuri showed me her flowers. I knew I loved her but I had nothing to show for it until now so she was pretty happy to see them too.”

“What flowers does she have for you?” Kourai asks.

“Borage.”

Kourai nods but like with Shoukou, he doesn’t seem as excited as Sachirou expected. He turns to the duck pond without ducks. “You know, I’m really happy for you both,” he says. “It’s… It must be nice.”

“Oh. Shit. I’m really sorry, Kourai. I didn’t mean to-”

“No, it’s fine!” Kourai says, suddenly smiling. Sachirou has known him long enough to see how fake it is. “Today is your day, Sachirou. You deserve this. Let’s go do something to celebrate. Want some pork buns? My treat.”

He’s already walking off with a bounce in his steps and Sachirou can’t see his face. All he can do is follow blindly.

~

Kourai’s mum knows the minute he walks into the house. All it takes it one look for her face to fall.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she says, crossing the room to pull him into her embrace.

Kourai buries his face in the crook of her neck, clutching her small frame. His tears soak her sweater, muffled sobs loud in the quiet home.

~

With the third years’ volleyball season over, Sachirou now needs to focus on his studies. Even though he keeps up with his schoolwork, it’s no less stressful as he crams as much as he can in the two weeks between the tournament and the National Centre Test, the primary rounds of exams on which many universities base their admissions. But for Sachirou who has ultimately decided on veterinary school, he needs to take secondary exams specific to individual universities.

Kourai stops coming to the study sessions because he won’t be taking exams. Sachirou spends days holed up in the library with Sayuri and nights hunched over his kitchen table. She gives him tips on chemistry and he explains cell metabolism and they help quiz each other.

When the National Centre Tests are over, they prepare for their specific exams. There are three universities they’re both interested in and they make those their priority in hope that they could both make it to one of those. Even if they end up at different places, Sachirou is sure that they can make it work.

After three weeks, his dandelions have multiplied to eight and they’re still budding off. He finds himself touching it often and when he and Sayuri have breaks lying on his bedroom floor, her hand lingers on his chest too with the steady _thump-thump_ of his heart against her palm.

“How great would it be if Hoshiumi-kun stays within the prefecture too?” Sayuri says one afternoon.

It’s snowing outside his window.

“He’s got a few offers already but he wants to try out for the Adlers.”

“Your brother’s team?” 

Sachirou nods. “They already got Ushijima Wakatoshi last year and Nii-chan is trying to grab Kourai now. If the Adlers give out offers with guaranteed placements, he would’ve already slapped one in Kourai’s face.”

“You won’t regret not going pro?” Sayuri asks.

“Not at all. Will you regret not choosing law?”

Sayuri nods against his shoulder. “I thought it’s what I wanted but no. I’d much rather be a science teacher.”

“You’d be good at it,” he tells her.

She rises on her elbows to kiss his cheek. “And you’d be the best vet ever.”

Sachirou smiles. He’s so close to having everything he wanted.

Kourai doesn’t visit for days at a time. With the newfound concern of life beyond high school, Sachirou notices his absence far too much. He has been exempted from school since the national exams, as it is custom for all college-entrance classes, so he doesn’t get to see Kourai at school either and ever since the park, Kourai’s calls and messages have lessened. It feels like he’s being avoided and it hurts more than he expected.

So Sachirou goes to him.

Hoshiumi-san opens the door and seems surprised to find him there. She ushers him out of the cold quickly, directing him to Kourai’s room. When he opens the door, he comes face to face with a mountain of clothes on the bed, the pillows buried somewhere beneath. Kourai is deep in his closet, still chucking clothes onto the mountain without a single glance back.

“It’s okay, Mum,” he says. “I’ll clean it all up.”

“I’m more interested in the fact that you have this,” Sachirou says, holding up a neon pink sock between his fingers.

Kourai pokes his head out, looking like he’s just been caught. “Sachirou? What are you doing here?”

“Visiting my best friend whom I haven’t seen him in a week. The better question is, what are _you_ doing? Are you moving somewhere?”

Kourai shrugs. “Probably Tokyo.”

_Oh._ “Will you try out for any other teams, just in case?”

“Dunno. Maybe the Black Jackals and Raijin too but Fukuro-san says everyone’s already talking about the Little Giant so I’m sure I’ll get into the Adlers.”

None of those teams are in Nagano. Sachirou’s chest feels so tight. He moves the pile of clothes from the chair onto the bed so he can sit on it while Kourai starts to sift through the clothes on the bed.

“I missed you, you know,” Sachirou starts casually. “Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not. Why would you think that?”

“Because you haven’t met my eyes once since I got here.”

Kourai turns and stares at him. “I have! I wasn’t avoiding you. You just have so many important exams and I don’t want to distract you. Besides, I’m trying to be independent because I’m gonna start having to stand on my own feet soon.”

There is some truth to his words but Sachirou isn’t satisfied with the answer. Maybe he expected too much by wanting to hear that Kourai missed him too.

“Speaking of exams,” Kourai says. “How are they going? How many more do you have left?”

“They’re fine. I just need to take two more next week and I’m free. Will you finally hang out with me again after that?”

Kourai hesitates when he answers, “Of course. I told you twice already, it’s not like I’m avoiding you. We just…have different things we need to do now.”

Right. Sachirou should’ve seen this coming. Ever since they met, he’s known that their paths would not stay in the same direction. He’s just been willingly blind to the prospect that the paths will diverge and now the fork in the road is closer than ever. They graduate next month. He never thought he’d be terrified of it.

“Kourai-kun,” Sachirou says. “You won’t forget about me, will you?”

This makes Kourai frown at him. “Of course not. Why are saying stupid stuff today? Is the stress getting to you?”

“You’re getting ready to leave everything behind, Kourai-kun. Shouldn’t I worry you’ll leave me behind too?”

“If anything, I should be worried about you forgetting me.”

Kourai muttered that part but it was loud enough that it’s meant to be heard. Sachirou goes to sit at the foot of the bed where Kourai is busy folding some pants.

“What do you mean?”

Kourai stops to stare at him long and hard. “You in your vet school with your girlfriend. Where do I fit into that, Sachirou?”

“We’ll call and text and I’ll come visit you and you’ll come back home when the season’s off. Right?”

“Yeah,” Kourai says. Then he seems to shake himself out of something. “We need to stop being weird about this. Help me fold these up again. You’re much neater than I am.”

Even if Sachirou had his eyes closed, he’d still be able to tell that there are things Kourai isn’t saying. He picks up the nearest item and it’s the dri-fit shirt Kourai started to wear this year, after he got his camellias. He folds it up gently.

Sachirou notices it early, mostly because he’s started to stare at himself in the mirror. More specifically, at the dandelions. When he finally finishes all of his exams, it’s well past one month since the first flower bloomed. They’re still growing. He counts fifteen now, crawling across the right side of his chest, up to his shoulder and around his sternum. More than that, it feels like the flowers have clung to his skin like wet cloth.

He remembers Fukuro saying years ago that the marks are not meant to feel like anything.

He rubs at it, hoping one or two would go away but none does. He tries to hide them but they’ve grown so much that they start to peak out from the collars of his looser shirts.

Sayuri is the next person to notice. She frowns at them in part concern and part confusion.

“Should this be happening?”

“Most stop growing after about a month so maybe it will stop soon?”

She doesn’t seem convinced. “It’s getting quite big.”

“Well, I do love you a lot.”

Sayuri punches him in the shoulder. “Take this seriously, will you? I heard it can be dangerous.”

“I’m sure it’s fine. I’ll wait and see how it goes.”

He knows exactly what’s happening and he knows it is not fine.

Sachirou goes back to school for graduation prep. He finds Kourai still at volleyball practice, leaping into the air like a bird and he seems to stay there, hanging in the sky for many heartbeats before he drops back to the ground gracefully. His shirt ripples up, revealing bare skin and on it are camellias. He hasn’t seen Sachirou yet so he takes a moment to stay by the door and watch as Kourai praises kouhais and give them tips.

He looks happy like this. He stands on that court surrounded by giants who tower over him but he still manages to be the biggest presence with his chin held high and his grin heart-achingly bright. Despite all the odds stacked against him, Kourai has never wavered. He stands up stronger every time he gets knocked down, refuses to give up anything he set his mind to and look at him now. One of the best players in the nation.

The burning sensation Sachirou feels inside him is the same one he felt when he stood on the centre court of the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium. Then a terrible thought strikes him:

Kourai looks happier than he has with Sachirou lately.

“Didn’t think you’d show again,” Hakuba says.

He’s also here, wiping his face with a towel as he comes to stand beside him.

Sachirou gives a smile. “Thought I might as well give volleyball a proper farewell.”

“What, winning nationals wasn’t enough?”

“Naturally.”

Hakuba grins and yells, “Hey, everyone! Let’s give our old captain the best game of his life.”

Kourai turns around and blinks in surprise when he sees Sachirou. Then he tugs his shirt down as if he just remembered that he’s not wearing his dri-fit underneath. Ah. So it’s him that Kourai has been trying to hide his flowers from.

_Oh._

For a moment Sachirou is frozen in realisation before the younger members pull him onto the court. He gets lost in the flurry as everyone decides how they want to arrange themselves so they all get to play with the third years one last time and then the messy game is on the way. Coach Murphy simply lets the chaos ensue and Sachirou is numb to it all.

A single thought rings in his mind and Sachirou can’t focus on anything but Kourai who avoids his eyes.

_‘You in your vet school with your girlfriend. Where do I fit into that, Sachirou?’_

_Oh, no._

Kourai doesn’t meet his eyes throughout the rest. Afterwards, he saunters off to the changerooms with the juniors, patting them on their backs and giving encouragements, almost completely ignoring Sachirou’s presence until he walks out and finds him waiting outside. He gives a tight smile as he pulls the strap of his bag higher on his shoulder.

“Exams finally done?”

Sachirou nods.

In unspoken tandem, they begin walking out of the school and towards home, joining the throng of the evening crowd. Kourai doesn’t say anything. He stares ahead like he’s lost in thought, caught in the sea of people rushing home in their suits and coats. Sachirou tries to get the words right in his head but there are so many. They flitter back and forth, warring to drown each other out.

_Is it me?_

_I’m sorry._

_What do I do?_

_I should’ve realised sooner._

What he says is, “Will you finally tell me who it is?”

Kourai nearly trips over his own feet and Sachirou grabs his arm on instinct before awkwardly letting go.

“Does it really matter now?” Kourai mutters with a blush, turning his attention back to something in the distance.

“You still love him, right?”

“I don’t want to anymore.”

Sachirou tries not to flinch and he tries not to reveal anything when he asks, “Did he hurt you?”

Kourai shrugs. “He can’t help that he loves someone else. Guess I was just too late.”

It wasn’t a no. The lump in Sachirou’s throat is growing and he forces himself to swallow around it because the thought of Kourai not loving him is terrifying. It’s selfish and shitty and he has no right but Sachirou finds himself internally begging, _Please don’t let me go._

“It’s almost graduation, Kourai-kun. Will you keep this a secret from me forever?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll tell you when I fall out of love.”

He asks carefully, “Are you trying to fall out of love?”

“I don’t know, Sachirou,” Kourai repeats, impatience seeping into his tone. “You don’t understand what it’s like to be hopelessly in love with someone who doesn’t love you back.”

Sachirou doesn’t know what to do except to reach out and touch his shoulder. “But I-”

Kourai jerks out of the hold, glaring. “Why do you keep asking, Sachirou? Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Kourai…”

He steps away, bumping into a woman who passes by but he doesn’t turn to apologise. “Just stop,” he says. “Please.”

Sachirou thought that he’s seen Kourai small and vulnerable when he first asked about this. Back then is nothing compared to the desperate plea in Kourai’s eyes now. There’s three feet of distance between them in the middle of a crowded sidewalk, far wider than any they ever walked, and yet Kourai is begging for more distance.

Sachirou is frozen in the sudden realisation that this is the first step to Kourai falling out of love with him.

“Sorry,” Kourai mumbles. He pulls the straps of his bag across his chest as he turns and walks away, disappearing into the sea.

The flowers begin to hurt. It feels as though they’ve dug their roots inside his chest and wound around his windpipe. He knows it feels that way because that is what’s happening. The phenomenon is often passed off as a myth and it’s rare enough that most believe it to be one. But Sachirou has read about it in internet forums when he had his first crush on a boy and he went digging to seek validation for his feelings.

He still remembers that exact post to this day;

_Take advice from someone who’s experienced this; don’t deny your love. Complications in your feelings can make the flowers start growing inside your body and it’s dangerous if it reaches the lungs or the heart._

Sachirou’s flowers have not stopped growing. They spread over the expanse of his chest, over the curve of his shoulder and own to the end of his sternum. They cling to him like heavy cloth plastered to his skin and he can’t rip it off.

Sayuri frowns when he grudgingly admits it. “Sachirou, you need to tell your parents,” she says. “I did some reading about it and it is not normal.”

Sachirou is more concerned with the fact that she read about it and that unsettles him.

“I promise I’ll tell them,” he lies. He takes her hand and kisses her gently on the lips, and that feels like a lie too.

“You know you can talk to me too, right?” Sayuri says. “If there’s anything at all…”

“I know. Thank you.”

“There’s also Kourai,” she continues. “If you’re more comfortable talking to him, I’m sure he’ll be there for you.”

Kourai hasn’t spoken to him in two weeks but he nods.

When Sachirou arrives home from the date, Shoukou is the first one to catch him. She narrows her eyes as he shuffles from the front door straight to his room.

“Everything okay, little bro?” she calls.

“Just fine, thanks.”

“Bad date?”

“It was _fine._ ”

Sachirou locks his door and slumps on the bed. He digs out his phone to check for messages but there are none. He thumbs at the screen, opens the message app, hovers over the inbox from Kourai. Then he puts the phone face down beneath his pillow.

He inhales a deep breath but he just can’t seem to get enough air in his lungs. It’s as though someone is sitting on his chest. He can’t tell if it is because of his flowers or because Kourai is truly trying to kick him out of his life and Sachirou doesn’t know how to fix it.

He’s with Sayuri. She has flowers for him. So does Kourai. Sayuri thinks he’s honest. Kourai thinks he’s admirable. He’s neither of those.

He’s scared. He thinks he might finally understand what it’s like to face six blockers.

A knock on the door startles him. “Sachirou, are you eating dinner?” Shoukou calls.

“I already ate,” he calls back.

“Well, come and help set up the table anyway.”

Sachirou inhales another shaky breath before he puts on a smile and opens the door.

That night, Sachirou can’t sleep. Breathing through his nose is not enough so he breathes through his mouth and finds that his throat is tight and painful. He knows the next stage would be to start coughing up the flowers that have infected his lungs and the knowledge heightens his paranoia. The back of his throat feels tickly and he keeps trying to cough something out but nothing happens.

The clock reads twenty past eleven and the house is quiet. He needs to tell his parents or his sister but he’s terrified that they’ll make him admit things that he doesn’t want to. He can’t talk to Sayuri about this. Every conversation with her has started to feel like a lie upon lie and she doesn’t deserve that. 

The only person he really needs to talk to isn’t speaking to him.

His phone sits on the nightstand, waiting.

A sudden coughing fit attacks him and he doubles over the side of the bed, drawing out wheezy breaths like an asthma attack and makes his eyes sting with tears. The hand over his mouth comes away dry and empty afterwards with no signs of petals or blood. Yet. He tries to breathe to make up for air he’s lost and that only makes his throat and chest ache more.

His vision is blurry through the tears when he reaches for his phone and dials on reflex. When he realises what he’s done, it’s too late to hang up.

“Sachirou?” Kourai answers groggily.

He can’t speak.

“Hello?” Kourai says with more clarity. “Are you okay?”

Sachirou clears his throat but his voice still breaks as he says, “Y-Yeah. I’m fine, Kourai-kun. Sorry for calling.”

A long pause follows. “Have you been crying?”

“No. I just… I wasn’t crying.”

There’s some shuffling on the other side and the creak of Kourai’s closet door that he knows too well.

“What are you doing?” Sachirou asks.

“I’m coming over.”

“It’s late, Kourai. Don’t-”

“Keep the door open and wait for me.”

He hangs up.

Sachirou opens the door when he hears the squeaky brakes of Kourai’s bike, hoping it doesn’t wake anyone up. Kourai wears the Kamomedai volleyball team’s winter coat above his pyjamas and his hair is a messy mop atop his head.

“What’s wrong?” he whispers as soon as he’s inside, scanning him from head to toe.

Sachirou locks the door and then silently leads Kourai to his room to buy himself some time. That time runs out as soon as his bedroom door is closed and Kourai looks at him expectantly, the cat lamp bathing him in shades of blue. The light bounces off his soft hair and long lashes, caresses the smooth curve of his cheekbones and Sachirou itches to touch, to trace that forbidden space where light gives way to shadow.

But he’s not allowed to do that.

He slumps onto the bed. “I think I made a mistake, Kourai-kun.”

Kourai frowns and climbs on too. “What did you do?”

Sachirou takes in the way he leans in as if to see exactly what he’s thinking, or to make sure he isn’t lying. It’s closer than anything between them these past weeks, even closer than that crowded street when Kourai forced himself away. He’s here now, staring with concerned eyes and in them, Sachirou sees something he should’ve a long time ago.

“I think I rushed in,” he whispers.

“Rushed into what? Did you end up applying for a course you didn’t want?”

“No, I…” He swallows. “I rushed into love.”

Kourai’s eyes widen and he pulls away as if he just realised how close he’s been. Sachirou’s chest aches and he wants to desperately draw him back in. Instead he chooses to hug his midsection to occupy his hands.

“I just wanted to know what it felt like,” he continues. “Everyone started to get flowers and I thought that if… If I’d _chosen_ someone, maybe I’d fall in love with them.”

“But Matsushima,” Kourai says. “You love her.”

Now that Sachirou knows what to look for, he sees and hears the pain Kourai’s words and it breaks him inside.

“It’s not her.”

Kourai stares. He’s barely breathing and his hands have fisted around the coat’s fabric at his knees. He says solemnly, “Love is something you feel, Sachirou, not choose.”

Sachirou lets out a bitter laugh, followed by a cough. “I know that now, but I’m not very good at it if I couldn’t even tell who I love.”

Kourai opens his mouth then closes it. He does it once more before he dares to ask, “Who is it?”

“I think it’s you.”

At first Kourai keeps staring. Then he flickers through a confused blink, a frown and then he shoots to his feet with a glare. “This isn’t funny, Sachirou.”

Sachirou follows suit to stand between Kourai and the door and puts up his hands. “It’s not a joke, I promise. Please hear me out.”

Kourai is still glaring and even in the semi-darkness of the room, his cheeks have taken on a red tint. He doesn’t make any moves to storm out so Sachirou takes it as a sign to keep going.

“You are a wildflower, Kourai. You grow with your own will and you’ve been growing in my heart for so long that I couldn’t tell when I went from loving you as a friend to loving you as something more. I’ve always admired your determination and perseverance and when you’ve always looked up to someone and wanted them close to you, it becomes harder to tell in what way. It took these two weeks of you ignoring me to realise that at some point, I crossed that line – if it ever existed at all.”

“You know this is wrong, right?” Kourai says. “You shouldn’t be saying things like that to me when you’re still with Matsushima.”

“I know. Tomorrow I’m going to make things right.”

Sayuri will be angry but she deserves better. She always has and Sachirou is a massive jerk for stringing her along. They made all those plans to go to the same university, putting so much effort into finding a happy medium for them both when eventually it wouldn’t matter at all. He’d only held her – and himself – back from choosing what’s best for them as individuals.

Kourai’s eyes fall to Sachirou’s chest where yellow dandelions peek out from the loose neckline of his sleep shirt. “Are you sure it’s me?”

“I am,” Sachirou answers with full conviction this time. “I’m sorry that I’ve been blind to your feelings, Kourai. You have every right to doubt me after the mess I’ve made but I’ll come back to you if you still want me.”

Kourai’s jaw drops, cheeks going even darker. “You know?”

He nods. “But I figured it out a little late.”

It’s Kourai’s turn to hug himself around the waist, casting his gaze elsewhere. “It’s not too late that you can’t fix this.”

That is all the answer Sachirou needs to be able to finally breathe.

~

Sayuri isn’t angry when Sachirou talks to her the next day. She sighs and smiles with tears in her eyes.

“I thought it might be the case so I prepared myself.”

“I’m really sorry,” Sachirou repeats. The flowers in the crook of her elbow are covered by her sleeves and he tries to remember the last time he saw them. They’re probably still blue.

“Don’t be. You’re not hurting anymore, right?”

“I’m okay now.”

Sayuri sighs again. “I’m just relieved that you told me instead of making yourself worse. Thank you.”

She reaches up to touch his face with gentle hands and guilt drowns him again at the affection built into a single gesture. She stands on her toes to press a final kiss to his lips. When she pulls away, her cheeks are streaked with tears.

“Don’t worry about me,” she says, sniffling. “I’m going to have my dream job and I’ll find someone else, some day, and I’ll be happy. You go be happy too, Sachirou.”

When they part ways, Sachirou is lighter than he has been in months. Borage for honesty, with himself and with the people he cares about.

The dandelions stop growing and the tightness in his chest recedes. In the privacy of Kourai’s room, Sachirou lets him trace the flowers lightly, lets him poke and prod all he wants. In return, Kourai finally shows him the camellias with a blush that matches the colour.

Sachirou is far from the perfect person Kourai sees him as. But because of Kourai he’s learnt many things over the years and the latest is that real love is worth the time it takes.

Within days, graduation will come. Life beyond that is uncertain. Sachirou doesn’t know where he’ll end up and neither does Kourai. The certainty lies in their love and the colourful flowers that accompany them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed it. This is kind of my first time posting a hiruhoshi fic so I'd really appreciate some feedback. You can also yell with me on twitter [@casastella_](https://twitter.com/casastella_) or instagram [@casastella_art](https://www.instagram.com/casastella_art).


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